There’s a ton of stuff I’d do to help the world if I was a billionaire. Actual billionaires are all dicks so they won’t do it, but here’s one thing I’d do if I had their money.

A zero interest payday loan company

Payday loan companies are the worst. People know that, but unfortunately there are a lot of desperate people out there who are still forced to use them. Since billionaires have more money than they (and multiple generations of their family) will ever be able to spend, let’s give some of that to people who need it.

How would it work?

It would work a lot like a normal payday loan, except that the interest rate would be either zero or so low it wouldn’t really be a thing. We don’t need the money, so we don’t need to make a profit. In Ontario, the average payday loan is under $500. Let’s ignore that $1B could cover that 2 million times and consider just helping out human beings who weren’t lucky enough to be born into money.

People sign up to get a short-term loan and agree to pay it back over a certain amount of time. But since the interest rate is so low (or zero, because we’re talking billionaire money here), they don’t get into an endless spiral of increasing debt.

Why this concept?

Payday loans are a horrible necessity for a lot of people, and their interest rates are beyond ridiculous. And once people get into that kind of situation, they’re very often stuck in an endless cycle because of those stupid interest rates. According to this report (.pdf) from January 2023, 30% of Canadians who took out payday loans struggled to repay on time, with 7% needing another loan just to clear the original debt. And half of these people had taken out at least 2 payday loans over the last 3 years. Thankfully in 2025 the Canadian government brought in some regulations for these shady companies, but it’s still not great, and by far the most expensive way to pay off unexpected bills.

If you borrow $400 but the interest means that the following month you owe $450, where are people going to get that extra $50? Another month of debt, and another fee. It’s savage.

Where’s the ‘but’?

You’d need a way to ensure people actually pay it back, because you don’t want people to just see it as free money and take advantage. Even though you definitely could and you’d never even miss it.

Actually there’s no “but” here. Musk or Bezos could just clear everyone’s payday loan debt right now and not even notice. But they don’t. They could pay to feed everyone who needs food support without affecting their net worth in the slightest. In fact they’d probably be even more ridiculously wealthy after they’d done it than when they started.

I hate billionaires so much.